Happy Birthday
by Ranger-Corpses
Summary: Ok, at the beginning it is Halt's birthday, but then it kinda goes a bit off track. It's long, I know, but I wanted to challenge myself to write as much as possible. Should I do a chapter 2? Rated T because I'm paranoid.


_Hi! Writer's Block here. Is anyone even there? Hellooooo! Oh, there you are! Come on over, I won't bite! At least, not hard. I was kidding! Take a joke! Anyways, this is my first fanfic so please don't judge or anything. Also, this is based off of my grandma's birthday which just finished a few minutes ago. Kay, coffee? Check. Laptop? Check. Book one? Check. Let's get this show on the road!_

 _Also, this is more of a random run-on story than anything. Also, It's supposed to be funny. Humorous. Amusing. You know, the thing that makes people laugh. Well, most people. Halt wouldn't, but hey, he's Halt, cut him some slack._

 _Oh, I don't own Ranger's Apprentice nor the thingys I use from it. Characters. I know words. John Flanagan does. He owns it. Not me. Also, I don't own the National Treasure refeance. 100 awesome points to you if you can point it out and what scene it's from (in the movie)! Nor do I own the definition of amnesia. I know what it means, I just needed good wording, and Google provided that._

* * *

"Happy birthday Halt!"everyone yelled as they jumped down from the rafters. Halt, who had just walked in with a large cup of (very hot) coffee, glared at everyone around him. Will and Gilan were there of course, as was Crowley, Alyss, Jenny, and Lady Pauline (much to Halt's secret delight).

"What are you all doing?" Halt asked.

"Halt, don't you remember? It's your birthday." Will said, trying to hide a grin.

"Aren't you like, a billion or something?" Gilan asked.

"Gilan, tree." Halt growled. Gilan stalked outside, muttering something about 'so not fair' and 'only joking.'

* * *

"Let's open presents!" Will shouted, pulling Halt into the living room.

Honestly, Halt was surprised that they'd both remembered his birthday, and chose to celebrate it.

"Here, this one's from me!" Will cried, shoving a box into Halt's arms.

"Go on." Pauline urged. Halt took a long, hesitant look at the box, then started pulling off the paper. Will had doodled all over it, drawing oakleaves everywhere. Halt could tell which ones were the first few, because they were very (notice the very) sloppy. Inside was...

Another box.

Will was grinning maniacally and urging him to go on.

This went on for another three boxes.

Finally, it got to the end and there was a single blueberry.

"Really Will? All that for a blueberry?" Halt asked, raising an eyebrow. (Up, and up, and up, and ouch. It hit the ceiling. That's gotta hurt. *Gasp* And he's holding the position!)

"It's the thought that counts." Will says, shrugging.

"Open mine!" Gilan called from the tree, his voice muffled. There was Gilan's, bright yellow with a card on the outside.

Halt grabbed it, and read the card.

"Thanks Gilan." He said sarcastically.

"You're welcome Halt!" Gilan called, missing the sarcasm.

"Lemme see it!" Jenny cried, smiling. Halt hesitated, then handed it over. She took one look at it, then burst out laughing.

"What's it say? What's it say?!" Will asked, hopping from one foot to the other. Alyss picked it up and started reading.

"We thank you for your sunny disposition, brightening our days every day." She read, barely making it without laughing. Crowley doubled over laughing, and Pauline's mouth twitched upwards. They could all just barely hear the thunk of Gilan falling over his laughter.

"Looks like you're not the only one who knows how to wield sarcasm!" Crowley choked out through his laughter.

"Open the box!" Gilan cried from the ground. Halt scowled, then started unwrapping it.

And got a pie to the face.

The pie tin sproinged around on a thick metal spring, and cream dripped from Halt's signature beard. Everyone laughed even harder (if that's even possible) and Halt scowled, which _really_ lost the effect as a huge drip plopped from his head onto his nose and started making it's way down from there.

Will and Crowley had fallen over with resounding thunks on the hardwood floor, and Gilan could be heard hyperventilating outside. (That can be caused by laughter, right?) Pauline was hiding her laughter with a coughing fit and Alyss turned around. Giggles could be heard from her direction. (Get it? In a couple books, Pauline masked her laughing with coughing. So the harder she laughs, the harder her coughing, right?)

Finally, when the laughing died down to a few chuckles or giggles here and there, Crowley handed him a bag.

"Open it!" he said, shoving it into Halt's lap. (He had sat down sometime earlier. No clue when)

Halt hesitated, debating his options, then went with opening it. He didn't have much of a choice, did he? No, not with Pauline there. Not at all.

Paper, paper, more paper...Finally (note the finally) Halt came to the thing. Present. I know words.

And it was wrapped in more paper.

*Skip to ten minutes later, because all that was happening was Halt unwrapping many layers and Will giggling. Gilan had snuck to the window to watch.*

Finally, Halt was to the last layer. The original thingy had bulged, where-as now it was just a slim slip of...something. He unwrapped it and saw...

Greybeard Halt lyrics.

"What the hell Crowley?!" Halt shouted. Will snatched the paper and grinned deviously. (This is the origin of how Will got his hands on the lyrics, I guess. Ignoring book five where it said Will made them up)

 _"Greybeard Halt's a friend of mine, he lives on Redmont hill!_

 _Greybeard Halt never took a bath and they say he never will._

 _I fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, fare thee well I say!_

 _Fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, I'll see you on your way._

 _Greybeard Halt he lost a bet, he lost his winter coat._

 _When winter comes, Halt stays warm by sleeping 'mongst the goats._

 _I fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, fare thee well I say!_

 _Fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, I'll see you on your way._

 _Greybeard Halt he lives with goats, that's what I've heard tell._

 _He hasn't changed those socks in years, but the goats don't mind the smell._

 _I fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, fare thee well I say!_

 _Fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, I'll see you on your way._

 _Greybeard Halt was a fighting man, I've heard common talk._

 _That Greybeard Halt, he cuts his hair with a carving knife and fork._

 _I fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, fare thee well I say!_

 _Fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, I'll see you on your way._

 _I'll see you on your way!_ " Will sang, reading from the paper as Halt chased him around the cabin.

* * *

*I skipped Halt beating up Will because that would've made me rate this M. Joy.*

After about half an hour Halt and Will sat back down, Will looking very uncomfortable, and Halt looking amused at Will's...uncomfort.

Pauline handed Halt a bag, and gestured for him to open it. After much consideration, Halt decided that she wouldn't try to prank him, but he decided to be more than a little cautious with it until he was sure.

He opened it (carefully, but not showing he was being careful) and pulled out the gift. It was a mini longbow figurine set on a stand. It was...perfect, Halt thought.

However, he just kinda placed it off to the side and grunted his thanks.

Gotta keep up that reputation.

Alyss placed the last (and very small) box onto Halt's lap.

He opened it.

Inside, was a book.

'Ruins of Gorlan' the title read. By John Flanagan.

"I found it in Arrida." Alyss said. Halt flipped open to a random page.

 _Page 164._

 _"Well, that's settled then!" Halt said cheerfully. "Let's continue, shall we?"_

 _And Alda knew there was to be no escape for him either. He faced up to Horace and the duel began._

 _Alda was the best swordsman of the three bullies, and at least he have Horace some competition for a few minutes. But as they felt each other out with stroke and counterstroke, thrust and parry, he quickly realized that Horace was his master. His only chance, he felt, was to try something unexpected."_

Halt shut the book with a clack (it was a hardcover after all) and looked up at Alyss.

"Did you read this yet?" he demanded.

"No. I read the back and..." she trailed off. Will was hopping up and down to see the book.

"What is it Halt? What is it?!" He asked, still hopping and craning his neck to see over Alyss. "You know, Alyss, you really make a better door than a window." He said, and Alyss pretended to be offended.

"It's a book. I thought I trained you to be more observant." Halt said.

"No, you didn't think. That's why you came to the conclusion that you trained me well." Will said with a grin.

"Will, tree." Halt said, pointing to where Gilan clung. Will moaned and slunk outside. 'Remember that one." He said, turning to Alyss.

"Oh, I most certainly will." Pauline said with a grin that made Halt question his life choices.

* * *

"So, what'd you do?" Gilan asked Will as he climbed swiftly up to the upper-most branches.

"Halt said he thought he'd trained me to be more observant and so I said that he wasn't thinking at all." Will said, giving to the movement of the branches.

"Nice one." Gilan said, grinning. "Did you see Halt's face as he read from the book?"

"No, Alyss was in the way." Will moaned.

"Ah, the disadvantages to being a midget." Gilan said, sighing.

"I am not a midget!" Will retorted.

"Then why are you so short?" Gilan countered.

"Because I'm the perfect Ranger! There's less to hide if you're small, unlike you Mr. Giant." Will said, sniffing and pretending to be haughty.

"You are calling me fat?" Gilan asked, pretending to be offended.

"I suppose I am!" Will said, keeping up the false haughty-ness.

"Come on down here and I'll show you fat!" Gilan called, only joking. Then, Will gave out a cry and dropped.

"Will!" Gilan cried. Will fell, and was caught in between two branches. "Hold on Will!" Gilan cried, forgetting the playful bickering.

He swung smoothly down the well polished branches (well polished because Gilan spent so, so many nights up there) and made his way to Will, who looked weakly up at him.

"Oh my gosh, Will. What happened?!" Gilan asked, going into extreme mother-hen mode.

Will mouthed something that Gilan couldn't hear. He leaned in closer.

"What was that Will?"

"GOT YOU!" Will shouted, and Gilan recoiled, putting his hands over his ears.

"What the hell Will?!" Gilan shouted. Will scrambled up past the point that a normal sane climber would stop, to the top branches.

"Can't get me!" Will said, grinning. Gilan gulped and looked at Will's position. Then, he too grinned.

"You can't stay up there forever!" He called, and it was Will's turn to gulp.

* * *

Everyone had left but Crowley. Him being the happy-go-lucky friend he was, he chose to stay the night. Halt had relented and let Gilan and Will come out of the tree, and was slightly puzzled to see Will giving Gilan a wide berth. He was even more puzzled to see Gilan wincing at every loud sound, sometimes putting a hand to an ear.

"Didn't you hear me?" Will asked Halt when Halt asked him.

"Why do apprentices constantly answer questions with more questions..?" Halt asked himself. "No, I didn't hear you. How could I hear you? You were outside."

"I pretended to fall and Gilan got super worried and then I screamed into his ear." Will said, shrugging. Halt grunted. "I suppose now would be a good time to go to my room?" Will asked. Halt nodded gruffly. Will hurried into his room.

* * *

Halt sighed and looked at the book. On the cover was a boy-probably Will-holding a lowbow with an arrow knocked. Everything was tinted blue and bold silver words etched out the title.

 _Ranger's_

 _Apprentice_

 _The_

 _Ruins of_

 _Gorlan_

 _International bestselling author_

 _John Flanagan_

Halt reached out and opened the book to page one. Correction, to the Prologue.

 _"Morgarath, Lord of the Mountains of the Rain and Night, former Baron of Gorlan in the Kingdom of Araluen, looked out over his bleak, rainswept domain and, for perhaps the thousandth time, cursed."_

"Get a life." Halt muttered under his breath, and continued on.

* * *

Halt set the book down and glanced at the clock. (I don't care that they didn't have clocks back then. I need some way of telling time.) Nearly four am. Halt sighed.

That was a very...interesting book. For a moment, he wondered how someone knew anything and everything about that section of life, and why they'd left any possible readers on a huge cliffhanger. And why he'd written that HaLt was smiling. He shouldn't have done that.

He glanced towards Crowley and Gilan, Crowley on the couch, Gilan on the floor, and stowed the book away in the secret hole in the floor that every Ranger cabin has.

* * *

Gilan rubbed his back as he woke up. The hardwood floor was, well, hard. There was no getting around it; he shouldn't have refused those blankets Halt had offered as padding.

"Good morning Halt." Gilan said cheerfully, noticing Halt sitting by the table, nursing a cup of steaming coffee.

Halt grunted.

Gilan looked outside, and found that it wasn't quite morning; it was still dark out. Well, he was up and even if he could go back to sleep now, he'd get woken up by Halt a minute or so later.

"So, how old are you again?" Gilan asked. Halt had never told them...

"Apparently, to you I'm a billion years old." Halt said, his face a deadpan. Gilan truly did try to his his smile.

"That was a joke Halt." Gilan said.

"Even so, it was a poor joke." Halt said, and Gilan had to admit that the older Ranger was right.

"Seriously though, how old are you?" Gilan asked again.

"That is for me to know, and you to not know." Halt said and Gilan huffed.

* * *

"We should get Halt to put us in the tree again, last time was very amusing." Will said to Gilan.

"Yes, it was." Gilan admitted. "But we should have a set of rules for in the tree. First one, no falling unless it's real." He stated, glaring at Will who appeared every bit as innocent as the little angel boy on the toilet paper ads.

"And why would that be?" Will asked, smiling.

"I'm not even going to answer that." Gilan said, putting on a 'Halt face' and the two broke down laughing.

"Ok, rule number two; no threatening unless you're one-hundred percent joking." Will said.

"Rule three; no having any sort of violent fun." Gilan said.

"Ok, now what to do to Halt." Will though aloud.

"I think I have the perfect idea." Gilan said to Will, smirking.

* * *

 _"_ _"Greybeard Halt's a friend of mine, he lives on Redmont hill!_

 _Greybeard Halt never took a bath and they say he never will._

 _I fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, fare thee well I say!_

 _Fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, I'll see you on your way._

 _Greybeard Halt he lost a bet, he lost his winter coat._

 _When winter comes, Halt stays warm by slee-"_

Gilan and Will's yelling-er-singing was cut to an abrupt halt as Halt (Pun intended) started throwing curse words at them.

"Gilan, Will, tree, now!" he barked.

Will and Gilan scampered up the tree so fast the dust found it's way into Halt's eyes.

* * *

Will clung to the uppermost branches like a human spider, or monkey, or...SPIDER MONKEY.

"Hey Gilan, I'm a spider monkey!" Will called.

"A what?!" Gilan asked, befuddled.

"A spider monkey! I've been compared to both monkeys and spiders, so why not a spider monkey?" Will reasoned.

"Sounds cute! Just like butterfly!" Gilan teased.

"SHUT UP!" Will shouted.

"Hey Cho Cho!"

"Shut. Up."

"Your cape really did flap around when you ran from _tortuga_ to _totuga_ _._ " Gilan said.

"Wait, you weren't even there...how'd you know about that?!" Will asked.

"...

"I have my ways." Gilan answered at last.

"Like...?" Will prompted.

"Oh, I may've kind of been spying on you the whole time.

"And you didn't think to help out?!" Will shrieked.

"Nope!" Gilan said, popping the 'p.'

"Gilan, you are so weird. And stupid."

Then the lightning struck.

* * *

Dun, dun, dunnnnnn!

* * *

Will opened his eyes and as they (slowly) adjusted to the lighting, Will's mind raced through...well...everything. What had happened last? Baron Arald had told him to get at least an hour's rest. When? That was the tricky part. He looked outside and...

HE HAD BEEN ASLEEP FOR A WHOLE DAY?!

Will rushed out of bed and, wait...why was he in Halt's cabin? And why was Gilan on the couch?

And what about Halt?

Will rushed outside, stopping only for his cloak, bow, and knives and stopped. Halt was sitting outside on the porch.

"Halt, I thought you were chasing the Kalkara." Will stated.

Halt raised an eyebrow.

"What?" He asked, clearly confused.

"You were chasing the Kalkara, and you told me to go and get Baron Arald and Sir Rodney, and I overslept for a whole day!" Will said, finishing in a near-wail.

"Will, that was ages ago...are you ok..?" Halt asked hesitantly.

"I'm fine." Will said. "But how was that ages ago?"

"Don't you remember? You arrived, and defeated the last Kalkara with a fire arrow."

Will just shook his head.

* * *

Gilan opened his eyes and looked around. Where was Will? Probably up already. He remembered a bright, blinding flash of lightning, streaking down from the sky and onto the tree next to the tree Will and him were in. He remembered falling. He remembered pain then...

He remembered black.

I must've passed out or something, because it's sunrise now, Gilan thought, looking out the window at the blazing sun.

He stumbled outside, hoping to be able to commit the sunrise to memory for later drawings (don't you remember? Gilan is artsy).

"Don't you remember? You arrived, and defeated the last Kalkara with a fire arrow." he heard Halt say.

"What?" Gilan asked, and both Will and Halt's heads swung over to Gilan's direction.

"Will can't remember anything past arriving at Redmont for help." Halt said, looking worriedly back at Will, who didn't notice.

"Amnesia." Gilan whispered, feeling the blood drain from his face.

"And that is...?" Halt asked, leaving the question hanging in the air for either Gilan or Will to snatch and answer.

"We know something you don't?" Will asked incredulously.

"And it is...?"

"Sorry, I just want to savor the moment. I know something, that you don't." Will said in awe.

"Will!" Halt barked.

"Sorry. Amnesia is a partial or total loss of memory." Will stated, then the blood drained from his face too. "Do I have that..?" He whispered.

Gilan stayed rooted to the spot, hands shaking, face pale as a ghost.

"Got ya!" Will shouted, a grin spreading across his face.

"What." Gilan said.

"I pranked you." Will said.

"Will. Tree." Halt said, seeming to explode with red-hot anger. Will sighed and trudged towards the tree. "No, not that one. _That_ one." Halt said, pointing to a pine tree he knew would be oozing with sap.

* * *

 _So ya, that's my first one. Should I do a chapter two? I was trying to get it as long as I possibly could, and I thought that about 3,300 words is enough. So, chapter two or no?_

 _Question of the day!_

 _Who is Halt's brother's nephew's mother's older brother's master's first apprentice? First person to get it right gets to...umm...help me plan the next chapter? Send their OC into the wonderful world of RA? Do a collab with me? Which ever of those you want, you can choose if you get it right. And you get the added bonus of a shoutout and pride!_


End file.
